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We Are The World 25 – But What’s a Justin Bieber?

February 13, 2010

It’s almost 3am on a Saturday morning and my viewing of the completely turd Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony has been overshadowed by a certain discussion erupting on Twitter regarding the latest attempt at a marketing buzz surrounding the Haiti disaster.

Firstly, i am not against Charity Singles. I actually love the idea of the world’s biggest media forces using their manipulation for the great of good once in a national disaster. I mean, lets bang out a video of every major urban artist (bar Jay-Z who already got in first of course with Mr i will chop my arm off to be known as a philanthropist Bono… and Eminem, who i just assume is probably in India rehearsing his voice?).

So, we have a list of artists, new and old, thrown in with a clip of Michael Jackson singing the original CLASSIC track for good measure, you know, include a dead legend into a clip, should create some dollars init, or at least some YouTube comments from the lurking internet gang bangers.

Singing we have a wonderful cast including some true greats, Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion. Obvious man of the moment on this topic is Mr Wyclef Jean and other artists singing on the new track include Kanye West, Pink, Carlos Santana, Jennifer Hudson, Natalie Cole, Brian Wilson, Miley Cyrus, Usher, Enrique Iglesias, Josh Groban, Harry Connick Jr, Akon, Celine Dion, Snoop Dogg, LL Cool J, Busta Rhymes and Tony Bennett.

Then we have three people i have to flag up as… what the fuck they were doing?

Firstly, Lil Wayne happens to be singing a hook. Fine, on your own waste. But singing on a track with Celine Dion. Have i missed something?

T-Pain aka I’m in love with a stripper aka Jay-Z ruined me aka my style of singing died years ago, is standing in a warm dimmed studio with his stupid too cool for school im auditioning for Predator 3 after we record look. Moreover, auto-tune??? What do i explain to my elders, who think this is noise pollution to compensate for your annoying garbage futuristic voice Pain?

Last both not least… Once in a while an artist pops up that defies the unbelievable. Someone so extraordinary that they cause such a buzz that we sit and ask, how did they do it? Well that annoying little German is Justin Bieber.

Not only does he have the first verse, completely killing any emotion i may build up over the duration and even forcing me to pull my hand away from my credit card where i was about to donate my hard earned donkey dollars, but he also yelps wildly like he’s not found a toy in his cereal box.

He kicks off the track with his vocals, most of us over the age of 18 are questioning why, who, what, where and when he became anything. Then i take deep breath, rewind the video a bit thinking maybe it was just my frustration at another marketing attempt to make money and claim to be donating to a struggling nation… erm… anyone say New Orleans?
I was wrong… Bieber still exists. Who is he? Fuck knows, although i hear Usher has adopted him so he can try and grab some street credibility back, seeing that Ne-Yo has taking firm control of the scene and even Chris Brown had more success, even after becoming a most wanted man by slapping forehead.

To top it all off, as i was exerting the name Bieber in my tweets, i managed to gain a new follower! A Justin Bieber fan follower with her name being @meggybeebs. Show her some love… She’s gonna need it.

PS: I guess if this is all ok, maybe we should all be expecting Bob Geldof to drop an F64 for SBTV?

The single is wack, the efforts are poor and Bieber’s parents, if you are reading! Lock your kid up

Rant over! Here’s the video:

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5 comments

  1. Haha… Nice rant. I wasn’t too impressed with this single to be fair. Never listened to any Justin Bieber’s own tracks either, I’m put off by the huge army of 12-16 year old girls always taking about him… and yes he sounds like a girl too >:)

    P.S LOL @ Kanye’s diamond encrusted sunglasses. Donate them motherf*&!ker


  2. ‘Well that annoying little German is Justin Bieber’ Ahahaha! Your right tho why did that little squirm get the first line…. if any!! Ridiculous


  3. i heard that Weezy was proper surprised to be asked to ‘perform’ on this record, “You do know i cant sing right?!” was his response!

    But it is not he who i have issue with…..
    T-Pain actually murders the song – i mean talk about an auto-tune overload!
    And Wyclef needs to hush his face already… jeez.

    Oh yeah, and Hello Vince Vaughn…!
    …Er, anyone know what he’s doing there!?! lol


    • Where was Vaughn? You need to point this out Missy!


  4. Yea, big disappointment here. Nothing like efforts from back in the day…



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